I really should be at the gym right now, but my injured back will not allow me to do what I normally would, so instead of going to the gym and risk further injury, I'll write about it and all the d-bags that go there to do whatever it is they do.
I like the list thing, so let's do that again, OK? Good...you're so agreeable. Top however many things I feel like writing about that annoy the piss out of me at the gym:
1. Nobody gives a fuck about your muscles.
Let me say that again so it sinks in: nobody gives a fuck about your muscles. Nobody except you and potentially anything/anyone you're having consensual sex with, and they don't really care that much. Since nobody cares about your muscles but you, please, for the love of Chris (remember kids, Chris died for your sins...), PLEASE stop flexing in the mirror right after you do a set of whatever exercise you're doing. It makes you look stupid and everyone is making fun of you in their head. This is especially true of the gigantic asshat that does a set of situps and then “wipes his mouth” with the bottom of the t-shirt he's wearing so he can check out his sweet abs in the mirror. It just so happens the t-shirt gets stuck in his mouth while he coincidentally flexes his aforementioned sweet abs. I say again...nobody cares. Also, nobody ever will. If you want to check yourself out, do it like everyone else does and flex to yourself in your bathroom mirror. Obviously the entire reason for working out is to improve the way you look, add a few percentage points to your chances of getting laid, get rid of those man tits, or take a little off the spare tire. However, just like beating off, flexing should be done in the privacy of your own home and should be considered a one person activity.
2. It's not a social club. If you're there, do something, don't walk around aimlessly.
I've been going to the same gym for about 5 months now, and after a while people obviously start to look familiar and their routines are noticed as well. A few months ago, I noticed one kid who never seemed to be doing anything but walk around smiling like he just took a real shit after being constipated for the last 3 weeks. Once while I was doing random activities in a stationary spot, I actually tracked this kid for a solid 20 minutes and all he did was walk laps around the machines while holding a towel and a half empty water bottle. Back and forth...back and forth...kind of like he was scanning a crowd to see if he noticed his buddy waving his hand like a maniac. Or like he was a serial killer quietly scoping out his next kill and we were all none the wiser. Actually, now that I think about it, that might not be too far off...this kid is pretty creepy. It got to the point where whenever he walked past me I got distracted and really annoyed, which made me lose my count and I had to start all over again. I just want to know why he's doing it. Why isn't he doing anything? Why is he just walking around like he's waiting for a machine or a bench to open up when there are plenty available? I need answers! Or maybe I don't...I just want answers.
3. Do everyone a favor and leave your phone at home. You can be unreachable for 2 hours and be OK.
I'm probably alone in this opinion, but I always leave my phone at home while I'm at the gym for several reasons. It's distracting, it's another thing to keep track of, another thing to potentially get stolen, and it's nice to be free from being constantly contactable. During the time I'm there, not a single person knows my exact location except the people who are in the same building and for some reason, that's comforting. Others that are members at my gym are not of the same opinion. Everywhere I look there are people clutching multiple cell phones as well as their iPod or other music playing device. Obviously if your phone is your music playing device, this doesn't exactly apply to you, but in that case, I would either turn the service or the ringer off while I was there. Again – probably not a popular opinion. One person I can think of in particular has two phones and an iPod with him and routinely answers both phones while on the treadmill or elliptical machine, jumps off, has his conversation, then jumps back on the machine. Really? Was it that important where it couldn't wait? I highly doubt it. I'm of the opinion if something is an emergency right now, it still will be in an hour when I get back to my phone. Plus it gives you time to work the problem out on your own without my help, so in reality, by me leaving my phone at home during workout time, I'm helping you become a better, more self-reliant person. You're welcome.
4. If the weight is too heavy for you to do a proper, complete rep, take some weight off the bar, jackass.
You might think it looks cool if you can bench or squat a ton, but if you only do a third of a rep or your spotter is doing most of the work, you look like a complete idiot. Is it better to do less weight and lift properly or look like you can lift a lot and potentially injure yourself because you're going above your strength (or is it strempth)? Easy game, dumb ass: take some weight off and do it right. Or don't and I'll continue to ridicule you in my head while secretly hoping you break your ass when you can't handle the weight. Another fun game is when people pile on a weight they are actually able to do, but is closer to the heavy end and can't do a full set on their “warm ups” because they want to look cool. I witnessed one guy doing bicep curls with 25 kilo plates on the bar and his spotter should have counted it as a set of triceps pushes for himself. This was his first set. Nobody thinks you look cool except you. You look dumb.
Those are really the biggies, there isn't much else that isn't obvious such as machine/bench/rack stealers, people who collect dumbbells they've used and refuse to re-rack them correctly or even at all, people who cut in line for the water fountain, people who take forever to do their sets, and people who just sit and watch you while you're finishing up so they can hoard the bench or rack when just as you're done with it. Oh, and the people who have the new year's resolution to finally get off their ass and do something really need to give up already. It's annoying...we all know you're going to give up, so just do it already and leave me in peace.
On second thought, back injury be damned, I should have gone to the gym to get rid of some of this pent up aggression. Oh well...till next time.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Anyone Have a Rusty Screwdriver?
OK...this has gone on far enough. I was going to let it go and it was never really my intention to write about this because I wasn't entirely sure I could write an entire post on this tiny, insignificant subject, but it has gotten to the point where I believe it's necessary. Plus I haven't written in a while and the words have been getting stuck in my head and keeping me awake, so I need a purge. Deal with it. Here's a small disclaimer: if this post relates to you or your behavior – I'm not necessarily calling you out...but you might consider changing this specific trait because it's fucking annoying. FYI.
On to the meat of the subject. What I'm referring to is the unnecessary addition of letters to the end of words, most specifically used on Facebook and generally only done by the female population. I'll give you an example I just made up because I can't find a specific one on my page right now since I probably deleted most people who display this horrific behavior (don't worry, I'm not a big enough asshole to actually call anyone out in particular):
Random girl: Ohhh myyy Godddd....texxxxxttttt meeeee!!!! (just typing that out almost made me throw up in my mouth a little bit)
Not the best example, but I'm fairly certain you know what I mean. Chances are, unless you either don't have Facebook or you're only friends with people like me, you've seen an example of the above tragic murdering of the English language. I would say this is similar to those who actually use the term “LOL” in real, live, everyday conversation and are being completely serious (“real, live” meaning non-text, face to face interaction). I will steal a line from my favorite TV show (Californication...if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it) in regards to the “LOL” comment in which the lead character says “Every time you use the term “LOL,” you're contributing to the death of the English language.” OK, so that might not be the exact quote, but it's close...plus almost nobody who reads this will know the difference (except maybe one, you know who you are).
I used a lot of parentheses in that last paragraph (sorry), but back on the subject. I don't know how this started or why it took off like it did, but before I purged my Facebook friend list of those people I don't really know or don't care to ever talk to, my page was inundated with examples of the above behavior. Every time I saw it, I wanted to rip my eyes out with a rusty screwdriver and throw them at the computer screen while screaming curses from the bottom of my lungs (why is it “screaming at the top of my lungs?” I would think a scream from the bottom of my lungs would have better legs than one from the top, ya know?). A while ago, I had this “friend” (well, I wouldn't say friend exactly, but for lack of a better term and to keep this PG-13, I suppose friend will have to do) who used my computer to check her Facebook page and wrote a post using the aforementioned excess characters, to which I asked why she adds them. Her answer? “I don't know...I just do.” Really? That's it? You don't know why? Doesn't seem like a very good answer to me. However, I would imagine that's probably the answer you would get most often when confronting those who make me want to pull an American Psycho and smash them in the face with an ax, a la Jared Leto. What's the purpose? What's the meaning? Why? This is what keeps me up at night (well, not really, but you get the point). Why purposefully make yourself sound even more stupid than you already do with the misuse of grammar, punctuation, and addition of excess letters? My writing is not free of errors, and I use unnecessary ellipses a lot, but I spell-check, re-read my work, and try my best to make sure as many are caught as possible before publishing anything. I'm getting on a soap box here, so I should stop before I get too deep into the preaching.
Speaking of people sounding stupid, another one of those “I don't understand” things is the misuse of “they're,” “their,” “there,” “your,” and “you're.” I'll keep this section brief because if I get too far in, I might have a brain aneurism. I'm not going to educate you on when to use which because a quick Google search will tell you all you need to know and more on that subject. What I am going to do is beg, plead, bribe, or even ask you nicely to do the said Google search and start using them correctly before I quietly go insane with unchecked fury. This is quite possibly the most commonly used and easiest grammar mistake to correct, and yet so many people are OK with living their lives sounding like a complete idiot to the majority of people who have the 15 brain cells required to use the above words correctly.
As I've previously stated, my writing is probably riddled with errors, so I'm not counting myself out of the idiot majority, but I attempt to fix it as much as I can before anyone reads it but me. However, you will NEVER see me post anything related to the excess character phenomenon, and will probably never see me use any derivative of “their” or “your” incorrectly. I've been considering getting rid of Facebook altogether lately, but whenever I see anything such as the above on my page, I immediately consider deleting the offending party so I never have to see them do it again. I can count on one hand those who are still my friends on that site who perform the said actions...if you're one of them and are reading this, beware – your days may be numbered.
There's that soap box again...dammit! In closing, I have a request: if you are one of those people that make me silently whisper death threats over a broadband connection, can you tell me why you do it? Why do you add the extra letters? What is the purpose? Peer pressure? Do you have a key stuck and your delete button is broken? Give me a good reason and I promise I'll shut up about it (actually, I won't, but I'll at least hear you out). Post a comment here or on the inevitable Facebook post and tell me why. I'm so curious it's bordering on insanity...maybe a little extreme, but what can I say? I enjoy reading anything that is well-written and as close to error free as possible. Maybe not anything, but I think you know what I mean.
I think that's about all I have to say on the subject, even though writing it out really didn't help with the slow boil of rage I feel whenever I think about having to read another post written by a 20 something female masquerading as a 12 year old girl. I suppose I'll just have to deal with the reality that I'm in the minority here and this behavior is probably here to stay. I will have my say about it though... (shit, there goes the damn ellipses again).
As always, if anyone has any specific questions, just post a comment and I'll do my best to answer.
On to the meat of the subject. What I'm referring to is the unnecessary addition of letters to the end of words, most specifically used on Facebook and generally only done by the female population. I'll give you an example I just made up because I can't find a specific one on my page right now since I probably deleted most people who display this horrific behavior (don't worry, I'm not a big enough asshole to actually call anyone out in particular):
Random girl: Ohhh myyy Godddd....texxxxxttttt meeeee!!!! (just typing that out almost made me throw up in my mouth a little bit)
Not the best example, but I'm fairly certain you know what I mean. Chances are, unless you either don't have Facebook or you're only friends with people like me, you've seen an example of the above tragic murdering of the English language. I would say this is similar to those who actually use the term “LOL” in real, live, everyday conversation and are being completely serious (“real, live” meaning non-text, face to face interaction). I will steal a line from my favorite TV show (Californication...if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it) in regards to the “LOL” comment in which the lead character says “Every time you use the term “LOL,” you're contributing to the death of the English language.” OK, so that might not be the exact quote, but it's close...plus almost nobody who reads this will know the difference (except maybe one, you know who you are).
I used a lot of parentheses in that last paragraph (sorry), but back on the subject. I don't know how this started or why it took off like it did, but before I purged my Facebook friend list of those people I don't really know or don't care to ever talk to, my page was inundated with examples of the above behavior. Every time I saw it, I wanted to rip my eyes out with a rusty screwdriver and throw them at the computer screen while screaming curses from the bottom of my lungs (why is it “screaming at the top of my lungs?” I would think a scream from the bottom of my lungs would have better legs than one from the top, ya know?). A while ago, I had this “friend” (well, I wouldn't say friend exactly, but for lack of a better term and to keep this PG-13, I suppose friend will have to do) who used my computer to check her Facebook page and wrote a post using the aforementioned excess characters, to which I asked why she adds them. Her answer? “I don't know...I just do.” Really? That's it? You don't know why? Doesn't seem like a very good answer to me. However, I would imagine that's probably the answer you would get most often when confronting those who make me want to pull an American Psycho and smash them in the face with an ax, a la Jared Leto. What's the purpose? What's the meaning? Why? This is what keeps me up at night (well, not really, but you get the point). Why purposefully make yourself sound even more stupid than you already do with the misuse of grammar, punctuation, and addition of excess letters? My writing is not free of errors, and I use unnecessary ellipses a lot, but I spell-check, re-read my work, and try my best to make sure as many are caught as possible before publishing anything. I'm getting on a soap box here, so I should stop before I get too deep into the preaching.
Speaking of people sounding stupid, another one of those “I don't understand” things is the misuse of “they're,” “their,” “there,” “your,” and “you're.” I'll keep this section brief because if I get too far in, I might have a brain aneurism. I'm not going to educate you on when to use which because a quick Google search will tell you all you need to know and more on that subject. What I am going to do is beg, plead, bribe, or even ask you nicely to do the said Google search and start using them correctly before I quietly go insane with unchecked fury. This is quite possibly the most commonly used and easiest grammar mistake to correct, and yet so many people are OK with living their lives sounding like a complete idiot to the majority of people who have the 15 brain cells required to use the above words correctly.
As I've previously stated, my writing is probably riddled with errors, so I'm not counting myself out of the idiot majority, but I attempt to fix it as much as I can before anyone reads it but me. However, you will NEVER see me post anything related to the excess character phenomenon, and will probably never see me use any derivative of “their” or “your” incorrectly. I've been considering getting rid of Facebook altogether lately, but whenever I see anything such as the above on my page, I immediately consider deleting the offending party so I never have to see them do it again. I can count on one hand those who are still my friends on that site who perform the said actions...if you're one of them and are reading this, beware – your days may be numbered.
There's that soap box again...dammit! In closing, I have a request: if you are one of those people that make me silently whisper death threats over a broadband connection, can you tell me why you do it? Why do you add the extra letters? What is the purpose? Peer pressure? Do you have a key stuck and your delete button is broken? Give me a good reason and I promise I'll shut up about it (actually, I won't, but I'll at least hear you out). Post a comment here or on the inevitable Facebook post and tell me why. I'm so curious it's bordering on insanity...maybe a little extreme, but what can I say? I enjoy reading anything that is well-written and as close to error free as possible. Maybe not anything, but I think you know what I mean.
I think that's about all I have to say on the subject, even though writing it out really didn't help with the slow boil of rage I feel whenever I think about having to read another post written by a 20 something female masquerading as a 12 year old girl. I suppose I'll just have to deal with the reality that I'm in the minority here and this behavior is probably here to stay. I will have my say about it though... (shit, there goes the damn ellipses again).
As always, if anyone has any specific questions, just post a comment and I'll do my best to answer.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Things that Don't Suck About Living in London
It has been pointed out to me I have been relatively negative in my internet presence lately, so here's a post to the contrary. I'm not going to do a list of five things I enjoy about living in London, but rather just a few random items that come to mind that hopefully don't need much explanation turning this post into a book chapter. The following are in no particular order other than the ones I came up with first in my head.
-I think we can all agree, one of the funniest things in the world is watching people fall. A little disclaimer here: it's not so much fun having to deal with the aftermath of a fall that actually hurts someone, especially if it's someone you actually care about, but the fall itself is magical regardless of the outcome. The inspiration of this thought: it snowed today, which is absolutely terrible, but it did provide some incredibly awesome unintentional comedy for my walk home. Maybe it's because I'm from the Midwest and grew up in this disgusting excuse for weather, but I'm pretty sure footed in snow/ice, very much unlike the majority of people I saw today on the walk back. While I didn't see anyone actually fall, I did witness many people in the midst of an almost fall or people tiptoeing around on the sidewalk like when you're walking in from an all-night bender in high school and don't want to wake the rents. One can only hope that if this shitty weather continues, at the very least I'll be able to witness someone almost break their ass after slipping and sliding for a solid ten seconds. I feel I've earned it.
-Speaking of walking, another thing I've learned to enjoy is the 20 minute walk to and from work each day. I've been spending an inordinate amount of quality time with my iPod and without it, these walks would be much less tolerable. On the walk to work, it gives me time to mentally prepare for the day and relax in a strange way before what will no doubt be a relatively stressful day. On the walk back, obviously the opposite, a chance to unwind while also getting a little unintentional exercise (never a bad thing) and deciding what to do for the evening, if anything. It also gives me an opportunity to check out new music and my collection has grown to the point where I could potentially listen to a new album each day and not run out for the rest of the year (thanks Joel).
-On the topic of transportation, this is one of the best features of Europe and each major city. I live within a 10 minute walk of two Underground (tube) stations and probably a 5 minute walk from about 20 bus stops. With these links, I can potentially be anywhere in the city in the matter of a half hour for a very decent price. Also, a 20 minute walk from King's Cross/St. Pancras station means I can board a train for anywhere in Europe at essentially a moment's notice (provided I'm willing to pay the premium). I do miss driving and the freedom that comes with it, but I do not miss the frustration of dealing with traffic on an everyday basis. Although one of the perks of driving is leaving whenever you wish, rather than being at the mercy of the train schedule...give and take, I suppose.
-As we've already discussed, I have never lived in a major city before so this is probably similar for the hundreds of major metro areas, but there is so much entertainment available in very small area which means there is always something to do. I can't even fathom a guess at how many museums there are in London, and they all have free entry. On one of our first days here, our program adviser said something along the lines of “people can come see all the stuff we've stolen from civilizations over the last thousand years for free. We may have stolen it, but we take good care of it.” Fine by me...I like free. Free is good, especially when living on a monthly stipend similar to the amount of money a normal person earns in a few days. Along with the museums, there are plenty of concerts held every night for not a lot of money. The obvious entertainment options are here as well: musicals, plays, people-watching, movies, etc. but there is so much to do it would be difficult to be bored in this city. I'm convinced a person could live in and stay in only the London area for an entire year and not experience everything it has to offer, there is that much to be seen.
-Along the same lines of transportation and walking, another very cool aspect of the city (and again, probably most major metropolitan areas) is the street art. London is home to many of the best street artists in the world and their work is prominently displayed all over the place. Some may see them as people who destroy and deface, but much of their work is extremely detailed and quite clever. If you have a chance, check out some of Banksy's work online. Apparently every Christmas he seems to do something pretty extraordinary and while I've never actually seen any of his pieces (I've tried and failed miserably), I'm looking forward to finding out what he'll do next. How does this pertain to walking and transportation? One of the only ways to stumble upon some of the best street art is walking around and keeping your eyes open. When it was actually warm, (well...it was never really “warm” here...just...tepid) one of my favorite activities was to walk randomly around the city and try to find my way back without the use of a map. During these mini expeditions I would stumble across some of the street art the city has to offer and some of it is truly amazing.
I'm running out of ideas, so I think I'll stop this post here before it gets too dull and boring (oops...too late). As always, if anyone has any specific questions, go ahead and comment and I'll do my best to answer. Until next time...
-I think we can all agree, one of the funniest things in the world is watching people fall. A little disclaimer here: it's not so much fun having to deal with the aftermath of a fall that actually hurts someone, especially if it's someone you actually care about, but the fall itself is magical regardless of the outcome. The inspiration of this thought: it snowed today, which is absolutely terrible, but it did provide some incredibly awesome unintentional comedy for my walk home. Maybe it's because I'm from the Midwest and grew up in this disgusting excuse for weather, but I'm pretty sure footed in snow/ice, very much unlike the majority of people I saw today on the walk back. While I didn't see anyone actually fall, I did witness many people in the midst of an almost fall or people tiptoeing around on the sidewalk like when you're walking in from an all-night bender in high school and don't want to wake the rents. One can only hope that if this shitty weather continues, at the very least I'll be able to witness someone almost break their ass after slipping and sliding for a solid ten seconds. I feel I've earned it.
-Speaking of walking, another thing I've learned to enjoy is the 20 minute walk to and from work each day. I've been spending an inordinate amount of quality time with my iPod and without it, these walks would be much less tolerable. On the walk to work, it gives me time to mentally prepare for the day and relax in a strange way before what will no doubt be a relatively stressful day. On the walk back, obviously the opposite, a chance to unwind while also getting a little unintentional exercise (never a bad thing) and deciding what to do for the evening, if anything. It also gives me an opportunity to check out new music and my collection has grown to the point where I could potentially listen to a new album each day and not run out for the rest of the year (thanks Joel).
-On the topic of transportation, this is one of the best features of Europe and each major city. I live within a 10 minute walk of two Underground (tube) stations and probably a 5 minute walk from about 20 bus stops. With these links, I can potentially be anywhere in the city in the matter of a half hour for a very decent price. Also, a 20 minute walk from King's Cross/St. Pancras station means I can board a train for anywhere in Europe at essentially a moment's notice (provided I'm willing to pay the premium). I do miss driving and the freedom that comes with it, but I do not miss the frustration of dealing with traffic on an everyday basis. Although one of the perks of driving is leaving whenever you wish, rather than being at the mercy of the train schedule...give and take, I suppose.
-As we've already discussed, I have never lived in a major city before so this is probably similar for the hundreds of major metro areas, but there is so much entertainment available in very small area which means there is always something to do. I can't even fathom a guess at how many museums there are in London, and they all have free entry. On one of our first days here, our program adviser said something along the lines of “people can come see all the stuff we've stolen from civilizations over the last thousand years for free. We may have stolen it, but we take good care of it.” Fine by me...I like free. Free is good, especially when living on a monthly stipend similar to the amount of money a normal person earns in a few days. Along with the museums, there are plenty of concerts held every night for not a lot of money. The obvious entertainment options are here as well: musicals, plays, people-watching, movies, etc. but there is so much to do it would be difficult to be bored in this city. I'm convinced a person could live in and stay in only the London area for an entire year and not experience everything it has to offer, there is that much to be seen.
-Along the same lines of transportation and walking, another very cool aspect of the city (and again, probably most major metropolitan areas) is the street art. London is home to many of the best street artists in the world and their work is prominently displayed all over the place. Some may see them as people who destroy and deface, but much of their work is extremely detailed and quite clever. If you have a chance, check out some of Banksy's work online. Apparently every Christmas he seems to do something pretty extraordinary and while I've never actually seen any of his pieces (I've tried and failed miserably), I'm looking forward to finding out what he'll do next. How does this pertain to walking and transportation? One of the only ways to stumble upon some of the best street art is walking around and keeping your eyes open. When it was actually warm, (well...it was never really “warm” here...just...tepid) one of my favorite activities was to walk randomly around the city and try to find my way back without the use of a map. During these mini expeditions I would stumble across some of the street art the city has to offer and some of it is truly amazing.
I'm running out of ideas, so I think I'll stop this post here before it gets too dull and boring (oops...too late). As always, if anyone has any specific questions, go ahead and comment and I'll do my best to answer. Until next time...
Friday, December 10, 2010
Balls Deep
A quick hitter (potentially) about something that happened at work today that could have gone horribly wrong, but turned out to be funny (thankfully).
First, a little background. Every year, UBS has one Friday a year where employees are invited to participate in a series of events designed to inspire a little fun. This year, the events were a mince pie eating contest, a mini-golf around the office game, an XBOX dance off, a “name the company logo” contest, and a raffle with all proceeds going to charity. Yesterday, my team graciously volunteered me to participate in the mince pie eating contest and I begrudgingly accepted even though mince pies are about as appetizing as they sound. In order to seem more into the team spirit of the event, I brought my newly minted camera along so my co-workers could immortalize my inevitable near-public humiliation and potential stomach upheaval for all eternity (pictures on Facebook to come). During the entire spectacle, my boss is using my camera to take pictures of the festivities since I will be unable to use the camera myself while stuffing my face full of some of the most hideous food I've ever had to eat.
The rules: two minute heat, eat as many pies as you can in those two minutes one at a time. The mouth must be confirmed empty before the next pie can be undertaken. Fair enough. I am in the second heat of three and I realize immediately I have no chance in making it through to the next and final round. The top 6 make it to the finals and in order to have even the smallest chance, you need to scarf down three of these disgusting hair pies. I give it my best shot even though I have zero interest in making it out of this round and eventually choke down two of these vomit inducing pucks of garbage. The next heat involves a co-worker of mine who works directly under my boss's supervisor, so we all have a semi-vested interest in seeing him do well. My boss continues to snap pictures of the happenings with my camera which will probably eventually make their way into the company news letter or some such item.
Here's where it gets interesting. As usually happens during this type of activity, a few decent pictures get taken and the taker wants to share them with the people who might enjoy them. After going through the pictures she has taken, it comes to the end of the most recent pictures and rolls into previously taken ones. Since this is a relatively new camera (I've had it for all of two weeks), there shouldn't be any other pictures on the memory card since I have taken precisely zero pictures with this camera to date. The problem is, there are pictures at the beginning of the card and the pictures are of a shiny, hairy testicle. Two pictures, same ball, one close up, one further away. In my boss's supervisor's hands...my camera...balls on the screen. Awesome. It is at this moment I can actually hear my career getting flushed down the toilet at rapid speed. After viewing the testicle pictures, the big boss hands the camera to my line manager and says “oops...I probably wasn't meant to see those,” to which my line manager replies “that's not my camera, it's Justin's.” Even better. How am I supposed to explain how my camera has pictures of balls on it when everyone assumes they're mine since it's my camera? You can't. You can only try.
This is what I came up with: logic. Why would I ever rationally, intentionally hand over my camera to my boss knowing full well there are pictures of my own anatomy on there? Has that ever worked for anyone? “Hey, I know you said you didn't want to give me that promotion...but take a look at this! I bet you'll change your mind!” There has to be an explanation here...and there was.
Turns out, someone I know (I'm not naming names...that would be rude) thought it would be a pretty funny joke to take some full frontals after having a few drinks one night. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all about male nudity jokes...and had I not discovered the pictures in this particular situation, it would have been a lot funnier. Since it happened to be in this situation? Not quite as funny. Thankfully the bosses had a sense of humor about it and bought my explanation about why it wasn't my junk on the camera. All in all – no harm...no foul. But it could have been much, much worse.
And a friendly warning to the person(s) responsible: payback is and always will be a psychotic, mind-fucking bitch.
First, a little background. Every year, UBS has one Friday a year where employees are invited to participate in a series of events designed to inspire a little fun. This year, the events were a mince pie eating contest, a mini-golf around the office game, an XBOX dance off, a “name the company logo” contest, and a raffle with all proceeds going to charity. Yesterday, my team graciously volunteered me to participate in the mince pie eating contest and I begrudgingly accepted even though mince pies are about as appetizing as they sound. In order to seem more into the team spirit of the event, I brought my newly minted camera along so my co-workers could immortalize my inevitable near-public humiliation and potential stomach upheaval for all eternity (pictures on Facebook to come). During the entire spectacle, my boss is using my camera to take pictures of the festivities since I will be unable to use the camera myself while stuffing my face full of some of the most hideous food I've ever had to eat.
The rules: two minute heat, eat as many pies as you can in those two minutes one at a time. The mouth must be confirmed empty before the next pie can be undertaken. Fair enough. I am in the second heat of three and I realize immediately I have no chance in making it through to the next and final round. The top 6 make it to the finals and in order to have even the smallest chance, you need to scarf down three of these disgusting hair pies. I give it my best shot even though I have zero interest in making it out of this round and eventually choke down two of these vomit inducing pucks of garbage. The next heat involves a co-worker of mine who works directly under my boss's supervisor, so we all have a semi-vested interest in seeing him do well. My boss continues to snap pictures of the happenings with my camera which will probably eventually make their way into the company news letter or some such item.
Here's where it gets interesting. As usually happens during this type of activity, a few decent pictures get taken and the taker wants to share them with the people who might enjoy them. After going through the pictures she has taken, it comes to the end of the most recent pictures and rolls into previously taken ones. Since this is a relatively new camera (I've had it for all of two weeks), there shouldn't be any other pictures on the memory card since I have taken precisely zero pictures with this camera to date. The problem is, there are pictures at the beginning of the card and the pictures are of a shiny, hairy testicle. Two pictures, same ball, one close up, one further away. In my boss's supervisor's hands...my camera...balls on the screen. Awesome. It is at this moment I can actually hear my career getting flushed down the toilet at rapid speed. After viewing the testicle pictures, the big boss hands the camera to my line manager and says “oops...I probably wasn't meant to see those,” to which my line manager replies “that's not my camera, it's Justin's.” Even better. How am I supposed to explain how my camera has pictures of balls on it when everyone assumes they're mine since it's my camera? You can't. You can only try.
This is what I came up with: logic. Why would I ever rationally, intentionally hand over my camera to my boss knowing full well there are pictures of my own anatomy on there? Has that ever worked for anyone? “Hey, I know you said you didn't want to give me that promotion...but take a look at this! I bet you'll change your mind!” There has to be an explanation here...and there was.
Turns out, someone I know (I'm not naming names...that would be rude) thought it would be a pretty funny joke to take some full frontals after having a few drinks one night. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all about male nudity jokes...and had I not discovered the pictures in this particular situation, it would have been a lot funnier. Since it happened to be in this situation? Not quite as funny. Thankfully the bosses had a sense of humor about it and bought my explanation about why it wasn't my junk on the camera. All in all – no harm...no foul. But it could have been much, much worse.
And a friendly warning to the person(s) responsible: payback is and always will be a psychotic, mind-fucking bitch.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Top 5 Things that Piss Me Off About London
OK, so this was originally intended to be a sports related blog (inspired by my brother's), but I soon realized a few things:
1. I don't know enough about sports for this to be entertaining in the long run which negates the whole purpose of a blog that's supposed to be enjoyable to write while also being enjoyable to read.
2. Given #1, I wouldn't be able to come up with enough ideas to even write on a semi-regular basis which would eventually turn it into a chore as opposed to something that is supposed to be fun.
3. There are about 14,323,328 sports blogs out there (probably a low estimate), so really I would just be rehashing the same ideas that everyone else is talking and writing about. I have no interest in reading the same thing multiple times, so once again, the original intention really is not that interesting.
So here's the deal from here on out: I will only write when I feel like it, which hopefully is more often than before since it's been almost a solid year since my last post, I am going to write about any and everything that comes to mind, and most of you will probably disagree with what I say (still holding true to the original title), especially since there will probably only be 3 people who actually read it.
In order to start things off easy, I'm going to steal an idea from a few different places and give a top 5 list. Maybe this will be a reoccurring theme, maybe it won't, but just to get back into the swing of things, here goes.
Today's topic: Top 5 things that piss me off about London in no particular order.
1. I'm sure this is no different than any other major city in the world, but I've never lived in a major city before so it's new to me. Most people bitch about traffic since almost everyone has to drive to work these days. Since I live so close to where I work and since I don't have a car here, I walk to work everyday (about a 20 minute walk). Generally speaking, I'm trying to get to where I'm going as fast as humanly possible, so I carry a pretty fast gait in order to achieve that goal. In a city with around five million people, I tend to pass people on the sidewalk pretty regularly when walking in the same direction. Most of the time, this is not a big deal but there are times (generally three to four times a day) when there's a group of two or more people effectively dominating the entire sidewalk and walking much slower than I am and are completely oblivious to the fact that someone is behind them trying to get where they're going quickly. Just like a nice walk in the park for them while I'm absolutely fuming inside trying to figure out a way around them without touching them or getting run over in the street.
Most people would not not have an issue with this happening occasionally and I would tend to agree. However, once this happens a few hundred times, I have a huge issue with it. The only thing keeping me from giving them a forearm shiver to the back while muttering “get the fuck out of my way” is the knowledge that they wouldn't deserve that kind of reaction. It's not the specific people that are pissing me off to the point where the above actions would be acceptable, but the combined fury from the other encounters with similar situations. Maybe one day it will boil over and I'll lose my mind for a few seconds leading to said forearm shiver, but for now I think it's under control. To be continued...
2. Since we're on the subject of walking, I have another trend I've noticed. I do a lot of walking. A lot. At minimum 3 miles a day. Maybe it's another one of those things I don't understand since I'm from a small town, but one of the more annoying scenarios I've noticed is nobody moves out of the way when there is plenty of room to let someone pass instead of taking up the entire space by walking in the middle of the sidewalk. By walking in the middle of the sidewalk and not moving, it effectively gives me about a foot and a half on either side with which to work with. This usually leads to four options: hope there's no oncoming traffic and go into the street, brush up against a building while king shit walks by, “accidentally” bump into the sidewalk kid while walking by (never a wise option), or simply stop and make him choose. The fourth option never usually works since he's either oblivious or too self-important to notice anyone else walking and bumps into you. What usually happens in this situation is I try and morph my body into positions that cannot possibly be good for it in order to not touch this person as I'm walking by. Apparently I'm the only person in the entire city that can either pay attention to their surroundings or actually cares enough to make room for a person to walk by untouched. Side note that kind of explains the above: I don't particularly like being touched, especially by random people I don't know.
3. Our internet provider is a company called Pogolink. Pogolink is complete and utter shit. I've dealt with a lot of internet companies over the years and this is by far the worst I've encountered. First, our internet is limited to 2,000 minutes (fine, I get it, not a big deal) and 1.5 gigs a week. 1.5 gigs...yes...1.5 gigs. I could use that amount of data in a few hours, let alone forcing it to last an entire week. At first, the limitations were horrible, but just like anything else, you get used to it and it becomes just another thing. What really pisses me off about this company other than the limitations is the actual quality of the service. We are forced to log in to use the internet, which makes sense since we have the limits on the personal accounts. Most nights it's a miracle if a connection exists and even if it does exist, that doesn't necessarily mean it will work. Even if a connection exists and it works, it doesn't necessarily mean it will be a good connection. This makes for a very frustrating internet experience. In order to log a problem with the service, we need internet. How can we log a problem with the service if the internet doesn't work? In order to log off correctly, we need the internet to work. How can we log off if the internet service does not even recognize its own domain? I say again...Pogolink is complete and utter shit.
4. Since we're on the subject of internet, mobile internet is another interesting topic. I kept my Blackberry from the US (fuckin' Verizon...that's a whole other situation) and unlocked it to use in the UK so I wouldn't have to buy another phone. Part of my phone plan is obviously mobile internet but they have a “fair-use” policy on almost all carriers which limits mobile internet to either 750mb, 500mb, or 100mb per month. The plan I use limits my internet to 100mb per month (because I'm cheap and probably also because I didn't get that great of a deal) and thus forces me to be very prudent with what I use my phone for in any given month. This means no Pandora (irrelevant because Pandora does not work in the UK), no YouTube, making sure my program downloads are necessary, and keeping browsing to a minimum. Rationing mobile internet isn't as fun as 1,348 other things I could be doing, but unfortunately necessary since most of my communications are made through the mobile internet. Another issue (which could also be my own fault) is the service. I don't have 3G, but instead have GPRS (which is essentially 2.5G) because when I originally purchased my sim, I was unaware I needed to specify I wanted a 3G sim. It can be rectified, but as with everything relating to internet, I need to be careful. My phone is working now (it was a pain in the ass to get it to work) and I'm afraid if I screw with it, it will stop working. Not something I want to have to deal with if it happens. So for now...I guess I just have to suck it up or get some stones and make the changes.
5. As most of you probably know, I'm not what anyone would call a “morning person.” My work schedule forces me to wake up at 7am each morning in order to get to work on time. I knew this would happen eventually, but I hate it. If I could work a 10-7, I would absolutely love it. Since I also require between 7 and 9 hours of sleep to function correctly, this forces me to go to bed around 11pm each night, effectively turning me into a grandfather. Every night I tell myself to go to bed at 1030 (seriously!?) but 1130 rolls around and I'm usually still awake like an idiot. Sure, also my own fault, but I enjoy staying up late...I guess this is growing up. This is not even close to being related, but the weather is awful here. London isn't supposed to have that much snow (which would be awesome if it were actually the case) but just last week they had a few inches (which is a few inches too much). Also, it isn't supposed to get very cold here (supposed to hover around 32 degrees) but it had been in the 20s for much of the previous week. As many of you also know, I hate cold and I hate snow. Cold, snow, and walking a ton do not mix. Sure, I'm from Ohio so I should be used to it, but as my roommate said last week: “I don't care where you're from, cold is cold. And this is cold.”
So there you go, first installment of what may eventually turn into a series of blog posts on whatever I feel like posting and writing about at the time. If anyone has any specific questions about anything In London, go ahead and ask and I'll do my best to answer. Other than that...until next time...
1. I don't know enough about sports for this to be entertaining in the long run which negates the whole purpose of a blog that's supposed to be enjoyable to write while also being enjoyable to read.
2. Given #1, I wouldn't be able to come up with enough ideas to even write on a semi-regular basis which would eventually turn it into a chore as opposed to something that is supposed to be fun.
3. There are about 14,323,328 sports blogs out there (probably a low estimate), so really I would just be rehashing the same ideas that everyone else is talking and writing about. I have no interest in reading the same thing multiple times, so once again, the original intention really is not that interesting.
So here's the deal from here on out: I will only write when I feel like it, which hopefully is more often than before since it's been almost a solid year since my last post, I am going to write about any and everything that comes to mind, and most of you will probably disagree with what I say (still holding true to the original title), especially since there will probably only be 3 people who actually read it.
In order to start things off easy, I'm going to steal an idea from a few different places and give a top 5 list. Maybe this will be a reoccurring theme, maybe it won't, but just to get back into the swing of things, here goes.
Today's topic: Top 5 things that piss me off about London in no particular order.
1. I'm sure this is no different than any other major city in the world, but I've never lived in a major city before so it's new to me. Most people bitch about traffic since almost everyone has to drive to work these days. Since I live so close to where I work and since I don't have a car here, I walk to work everyday (about a 20 minute walk). Generally speaking, I'm trying to get to where I'm going as fast as humanly possible, so I carry a pretty fast gait in order to achieve that goal. In a city with around five million people, I tend to pass people on the sidewalk pretty regularly when walking in the same direction. Most of the time, this is not a big deal but there are times (generally three to four times a day) when there's a group of two or more people effectively dominating the entire sidewalk and walking much slower than I am and are completely oblivious to the fact that someone is behind them trying to get where they're going quickly. Just like a nice walk in the park for them while I'm absolutely fuming inside trying to figure out a way around them without touching them or getting run over in the street.
Most people would not not have an issue with this happening occasionally and I would tend to agree. However, once this happens a few hundred times, I have a huge issue with it. The only thing keeping me from giving them a forearm shiver to the back while muttering “get the fuck out of my way” is the knowledge that they wouldn't deserve that kind of reaction. It's not the specific people that are pissing me off to the point where the above actions would be acceptable, but the combined fury from the other encounters with similar situations. Maybe one day it will boil over and I'll lose my mind for a few seconds leading to said forearm shiver, but for now I think it's under control. To be continued...
2. Since we're on the subject of walking, I have another trend I've noticed. I do a lot of walking. A lot. At minimum 3 miles a day. Maybe it's another one of those things I don't understand since I'm from a small town, but one of the more annoying scenarios I've noticed is nobody moves out of the way when there is plenty of room to let someone pass instead of taking up the entire space by walking in the middle of the sidewalk. By walking in the middle of the sidewalk and not moving, it effectively gives me about a foot and a half on either side with which to work with. This usually leads to four options: hope there's no oncoming traffic and go into the street, brush up against a building while king shit walks by, “accidentally” bump into the sidewalk kid while walking by (never a wise option), or simply stop and make him choose. The fourth option never usually works since he's either oblivious or too self-important to notice anyone else walking and bumps into you. What usually happens in this situation is I try and morph my body into positions that cannot possibly be good for it in order to not touch this person as I'm walking by. Apparently I'm the only person in the entire city that can either pay attention to their surroundings or actually cares enough to make room for a person to walk by untouched. Side note that kind of explains the above: I don't particularly like being touched, especially by random people I don't know.
3. Our internet provider is a company called Pogolink. Pogolink is complete and utter shit. I've dealt with a lot of internet companies over the years and this is by far the worst I've encountered. First, our internet is limited to 2,000 minutes (fine, I get it, not a big deal) and 1.5 gigs a week. 1.5 gigs...yes...1.5 gigs. I could use that amount of data in a few hours, let alone forcing it to last an entire week. At first, the limitations were horrible, but just like anything else, you get used to it and it becomes just another thing. What really pisses me off about this company other than the limitations is the actual quality of the service. We are forced to log in to use the internet, which makes sense since we have the limits on the personal accounts. Most nights it's a miracle if a connection exists and even if it does exist, that doesn't necessarily mean it will work. Even if a connection exists and it works, it doesn't necessarily mean it will be a good connection. This makes for a very frustrating internet experience. In order to log a problem with the service, we need internet. How can we log a problem with the service if the internet doesn't work? In order to log off correctly, we need the internet to work. How can we log off if the internet service does not even recognize its own domain? I say again...Pogolink is complete and utter shit.
4. Since we're on the subject of internet, mobile internet is another interesting topic. I kept my Blackberry from the US (fuckin' Verizon...that's a whole other situation) and unlocked it to use in the UK so I wouldn't have to buy another phone. Part of my phone plan is obviously mobile internet but they have a “fair-use” policy on almost all carriers which limits mobile internet to either 750mb, 500mb, or 100mb per month. The plan I use limits my internet to 100mb per month (because I'm cheap and probably also because I didn't get that great of a deal) and thus forces me to be very prudent with what I use my phone for in any given month. This means no Pandora (irrelevant because Pandora does not work in the UK), no YouTube, making sure my program downloads are necessary, and keeping browsing to a minimum. Rationing mobile internet isn't as fun as 1,348 other things I could be doing, but unfortunately necessary since most of my communications are made through the mobile internet. Another issue (which could also be my own fault) is the service. I don't have 3G, but instead have GPRS (which is essentially 2.5G) because when I originally purchased my sim, I was unaware I needed to specify I wanted a 3G sim. It can be rectified, but as with everything relating to internet, I need to be careful. My phone is working now (it was a pain in the ass to get it to work) and I'm afraid if I screw with it, it will stop working. Not something I want to have to deal with if it happens. So for now...I guess I just have to suck it up or get some stones and make the changes.
5. As most of you probably know, I'm not what anyone would call a “morning person.” My work schedule forces me to wake up at 7am each morning in order to get to work on time. I knew this would happen eventually, but I hate it. If I could work a 10-7, I would absolutely love it. Since I also require between 7 and 9 hours of sleep to function correctly, this forces me to go to bed around 11pm each night, effectively turning me into a grandfather. Every night I tell myself to go to bed at 1030 (seriously!?) but 1130 rolls around and I'm usually still awake like an idiot. Sure, also my own fault, but I enjoy staying up late...I guess this is growing up. This is not even close to being related, but the weather is awful here. London isn't supposed to have that much snow (which would be awesome if it were actually the case) but just last week they had a few inches (which is a few inches too much). Also, it isn't supposed to get very cold here (supposed to hover around 32 degrees) but it had been in the 20s for much of the previous week. As many of you also know, I hate cold and I hate snow. Cold, snow, and walking a ton do not mix. Sure, I'm from Ohio so I should be used to it, but as my roommate said last week: “I don't care where you're from, cold is cold. And this is cold.”
So there you go, first installment of what may eventually turn into a series of blog posts on whatever I feel like posting and writing about at the time. If anyone has any specific questions about anything In London, go ahead and ask and I'll do my best to answer. Other than that...until next time...
Monday, February 22, 2010
Goodbye, Mr. Tomlinson
LaDainian Tomlinson is now a free agent after being released from the San Diego Chargers today. While many people, including Tomlinson himself, expected this to happen, it’s still a shock to actually hear the news. When I first read the headline on ESPN, the look on my face probably resembled the look after an unexpected fart rips out. After processing the news for a few seconds, I realized this was probably the best route for the team and for Tomlinson as well. He was due to make around $5 million in base salary and bonus for next year and that is money the Chargers can use to help out their waning defense or get Rivers more help at the receiver position. Tomlinson also stated he has expected the move to be made at some point in the offseason and it’s more beneficial for them to do it now rather than wait so he has the chance to continue with a different team.
Many people might be a little confused as to why the Chargers released Tomlinson after the career he has had with them, but the simple fact is he has not been the same running back since the 2007 season. In fact, this previous season is the only of his 9 years where he failed to register a thousand yards, generally given as the benchmark of a productive running back in the NFL. He’s still churning out the touchdowns and has never had a year where he has produced less than 10.
His career stats are pretty unbelievable, and dare I say (Jared) first-ballot Hall of Fame worthy. With 12,490 rushing yards (ranked 8th all time), 138 rushing TDs (ranked 2nd all time behind some guy named Emmitt Smith), and 153 total TDs (ranked 3rd all time), an NFL MVP award, two rushing titles (2006, 2007), and the single season record for most rushing TDs, I think he has made his case to the Hall of Fame voters. Oh yeah, and he’s not quite done with his career just yet. My brother and I have had this conversation many times and I was always adamant in my opinion that he was not a first-balloter, but would eventually get in because of how ridiculously incredible his stats are. It is my opinion that championship rings are what gets the voter attention the most and Tomlinson has yet to add one of those to his collection of memorabilia. I think I will have to change my status on this because just looking at the stats (over a 9 year period, mind you), the voters would have to be insane to keep this guy out just because he was coached by Norv Turner for so many years.
This is not to say Tomlinson is done with his career either. The Chargers’ RB position may belong to Darren Sproles now, but there are plenty of other teams that will be in the hunt for Tomlinson’s services. A few of note: the Buffalo Bills, Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, NE Patriots, and the Oakland Raiders.
The case for the Bills: Yes, Fred Jackson is good and Marshawn Lynch (quite possibly the ugliest guy in the history of the NFL) used to be good but the Bills have been terrible for years. Jackson and Lynch are either unproven or unreliable and Tomlinson would have an excellent chance to start for them if he signed even the day before opening weekend. Reasons he would not likely sign with Buffalo: awful team, cold weather, no head coach, Lynch possibly shooting him, team possibly moving to Canada. Reasons he might sign with Buffalo: starting position essentially up for grabs and a terrible QB which equals more running.
The case for the Browns: They have a relatively good running game already and a RB who seems to be heading in the right direction, so this might not be such a good fit for Tomlinson. He would most likely get the starting job, but the team is not in the best position for what he wants, which is a shot at a title. Sure, he may just want a starting job again, but my gut says Tomlinson stays far, far away from Cleveland. Reasons he would not sign: too many RBs, owners won’t pay him what he’s worth (see Josh Cribbs), no shot at a title. Reasons he might sign: starting position probably available, decent offensive line, run-first offense, could probably start at QB if he wanted.
The case for the Lions: There really is no case here except he would be the starter from the day he signed. Just an awful team and really no incentive other than getting a starting job back. Unless he has fantasies about being an older second coming of Barry Sanders, there’s no way in hell he ends up in Detroit.
The case for the Patriots: The running back situation here is very odd because any four of the guys on the current roster could be the starter based on how Bill Belichick felt about his game day breakfast. If Tomlinson became a Patriot, he would probably be the starter, probably not be ran into the ground like he was in the early days of San Diego, and would definitely have the best chance at a championship. This, in my opinion is the most likely future team for him. If I were a betting man (who am I kidding?), my money is on New England. Reasons he might sign: starting position available, best chance at a championship before retirement, get to play with Tom Brady and Randy Moss, not a whole lot of wear and tear on the body. Reasons he may not sign: cold weather, possible contract issues (read: money), rival of former team (which might belong in the other category, who knows?). Again, I believe Tomlinson will be a Patriot by the start of next season.
The case for the Raiders: Al Davis is obsessed with “name” players and will throw more money at Tomlinson than he could spend in his entire life. That’s just about it, if Tomlinson wants to get paid, he’ll go to Oakland. If not, there’s no reason to subject himself to that kind of torture.
It’s a sad day for many Chargers fans, the end of an era. Tomlinson did some great things in San Diego and he will be missed, but he will have options going forward if he chooses to continue playing. I believe he will and he’ll be right by Mr. Brady in the backfield come fall. He has always been a class guy and I wish him luck, wherever he lands.
Many people might be a little confused as to why the Chargers released Tomlinson after the career he has had with them, but the simple fact is he has not been the same running back since the 2007 season. In fact, this previous season is the only of his 9 years where he failed to register a thousand yards, generally given as the benchmark of a productive running back in the NFL. He’s still churning out the touchdowns and has never had a year where he has produced less than 10.
His career stats are pretty unbelievable, and dare I say (Jared) first-ballot Hall of Fame worthy. With 12,490 rushing yards (ranked 8th all time), 138 rushing TDs (ranked 2nd all time behind some guy named Emmitt Smith), and 153 total TDs (ranked 3rd all time), an NFL MVP award, two rushing titles (2006, 2007), and the single season record for most rushing TDs, I think he has made his case to the Hall of Fame voters. Oh yeah, and he’s not quite done with his career just yet. My brother and I have had this conversation many times and I was always adamant in my opinion that he was not a first-balloter, but would eventually get in because of how ridiculously incredible his stats are. It is my opinion that championship rings are what gets the voter attention the most and Tomlinson has yet to add one of those to his collection of memorabilia. I think I will have to change my status on this because just looking at the stats (over a 9 year period, mind you), the voters would have to be insane to keep this guy out just because he was coached by Norv Turner for so many years.
This is not to say Tomlinson is done with his career either. The Chargers’ RB position may belong to Darren Sproles now, but there are plenty of other teams that will be in the hunt for Tomlinson’s services. A few of note: the Buffalo Bills, Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, NE Patriots, and the Oakland Raiders.
The case for the Bills: Yes, Fred Jackson is good and Marshawn Lynch (quite possibly the ugliest guy in the history of the NFL) used to be good but the Bills have been terrible for years. Jackson and Lynch are either unproven or unreliable and Tomlinson would have an excellent chance to start for them if he signed even the day before opening weekend. Reasons he would not likely sign with Buffalo: awful team, cold weather, no head coach, Lynch possibly shooting him, team possibly moving to Canada. Reasons he might sign with Buffalo: starting position essentially up for grabs and a terrible QB which equals more running.
The case for the Browns: They have a relatively good running game already and a RB who seems to be heading in the right direction, so this might not be such a good fit for Tomlinson. He would most likely get the starting job, but the team is not in the best position for what he wants, which is a shot at a title. Sure, he may just want a starting job again, but my gut says Tomlinson stays far, far away from Cleveland. Reasons he would not sign: too many RBs, owners won’t pay him what he’s worth (see Josh Cribbs), no shot at a title. Reasons he might sign: starting position probably available, decent offensive line, run-first offense, could probably start at QB if he wanted.
The case for the Lions: There really is no case here except he would be the starter from the day he signed. Just an awful team and really no incentive other than getting a starting job back. Unless he has fantasies about being an older second coming of Barry Sanders, there’s no way in hell he ends up in Detroit.
The case for the Patriots: The running back situation here is very odd because any four of the guys on the current roster could be the starter based on how Bill Belichick felt about his game day breakfast. If Tomlinson became a Patriot, he would probably be the starter, probably not be ran into the ground like he was in the early days of San Diego, and would definitely have the best chance at a championship. This, in my opinion is the most likely future team for him. If I were a betting man (who am I kidding?), my money is on New England. Reasons he might sign: starting position available, best chance at a championship before retirement, get to play with Tom Brady and Randy Moss, not a whole lot of wear and tear on the body. Reasons he may not sign: cold weather, possible contract issues (read: money), rival of former team (which might belong in the other category, who knows?). Again, I believe Tomlinson will be a Patriot by the start of next season.
The case for the Raiders: Al Davis is obsessed with “name” players and will throw more money at Tomlinson than he could spend in his entire life. That’s just about it, if Tomlinson wants to get paid, he’ll go to Oakland. If not, there’s no reason to subject himself to that kind of torture.
It’s a sad day for many Chargers fans, the end of an era. Tomlinson did some great things in San Diego and he will be missed, but he will have options going forward if he chooses to continue playing. I believe he will and he’ll be right by Mr. Brady in the backfield come fall. He has always been a class guy and I wish him luck, wherever he lands.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Julius Peppers is a Child
After spending his first 8 years in the NFL as a Carolina Panther, it appears Julius Peppers is on his way out the door. Now, it may seem to many people this has been a work in progress the last few years, which to an extent, it has been.
Beginning after the 2007 season when he totaled a measly 2.5 sacks (the most important stat for a defensive end, in my opinion), Carolina offered him a new contract which would have made him the highest paid defensive player in the entire league. Was this cause for celebration for Peppers? Did he act like he was even remotely excited about the deal? No. He bitched and complained about it and ended up not signing the deal, instead opting to play out his contract and hope for some big payday in the free agent market the next year. He was quoted on a radio show on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 as saying “That deal was to make me the highest-paid defensive player, but slightly, very slightly.” Slightly or not, Carolina had so much faith in a guy coming off the worst year of his entire career (while only missing 2 games all year) they decided to reward him with the highest contract for a defensive player in the history of the NFL. Not only would any non-professional athlete literally run as fast as they could to sign that deal, but hundreds, possibly thousands of professional athletes would do the same. Without question Peppers was worthy of the contract and he is also without question one of the best players on Carolina (quite possibly THE best), but that wasn’t good enough for him. He wanted more money after his worst professional season. Go ahead and ask Josh Cribbs how he would feel about making $12 million a year. Would he sign that deal? I believe he would act like Rod Tidwell in Jerry McGuire if he were offered even $10 million a year and quite possibly piss himself during the phone call.
Granted, the 2008 season was a much better outing for Peppers where he recorded 14.5 sacks, but that just fueled the fire even more in his money hunger. Consequently, he asked the team to allow him to be let go in free agency to pursue a huge contract, claiming his biggest gripe with the team was (former) defensive coordinator Mike Trgovac. Proving yet again players are the ones who run the league, Carolina fired Trgovac and let Ron Meeks take over the defense to appease Peppers. Shortly after, the team applied the franchise tag to him which paid him $16.7 million to play in 2009 (just over $1 million a game…think about that for a second: while most Americans are sitting home watching football on Sundays, Julius Peppers made a cool million for suiting up) which also forced any team involved in a trade for his services to part ways with a few draft picks. As you may imagine, Peppers wasn’t too pleased with this information and it took him a very long time to sign his one year contract (a few months if I’m not mistaken) after long-term contract negotiations fell through once again.
The 2009 season went pretty well for Peppers (as it well should based on his paycheck) in which he recorded 10.5 sacks and also became the franchise leader in total career sacks for the Panthers with 81. After the season was over (may as well have been week 5), the front office came forward and said their #1 priority in the off-season was to sign Peppers to a multi-year deal and once again make him the highest paid defensive player in the NFL. A few weeks go by and nothing…a few more weeks with no news…and now Peppers wants out (again) because he feels the Panthers are ignoring him. This reminds me of a story I heard a few years ago about a couple that shall remain nameless. In the story, the boyfriend arrives at a party before his girlfriend and mingles, as one might assume would happen at a party. A few hours pass and the girlfriend shows up and makes her rounds, saying hello to friends, etc. Shortly after, the boyfriend comes up to the girlfriend in tears, literally crying because she did not say hello to him first. I’m no expert in relationships (I’ll let you do the research), but in my opinion this should have sent up some HUGE red flags for the girl relating to some possible trust issues or clinginess.
My advice to the Panthers would be similar to what I would tell the girl in the above situation: it might be time to move on. The relationship between Carolina and Julius Peppers has been extremely positive for the most part over the years, but this last interview by Peppers is the crying boyfriend who needs more attention than the franchise can afford to give. Granted, Carolina could put the franchise tag on Peppers again this year, but in doing so they would have to shell out $20.1 million dollars for 1 year of work and effectively murder their cap room and severely limit the capabilities of signing or re-signing other players vital to the franchise (read: a viable option at QB). It is fairly obvious Peppers does not want a long term deal with Carolina and if they do franchise him, the only options are trade for some draft picks or eventually get a long term deal signed. Either way, he must be franchised since he is not under contract and the Panthers need to get something out of the years they spent cultivating one of the better defensive ends in the league. I don’t see this ending well.
Farewell Peppers, it has been fun watching you play. I’m sure you’ll get your big payday from some team but you never forget your first.
Here is the story that inspired this post: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4899375
Beginning after the 2007 season when he totaled a measly 2.5 sacks (the most important stat for a defensive end, in my opinion), Carolina offered him a new contract which would have made him the highest paid defensive player in the entire league. Was this cause for celebration for Peppers? Did he act like he was even remotely excited about the deal? No. He bitched and complained about it and ended up not signing the deal, instead opting to play out his contract and hope for some big payday in the free agent market the next year. He was quoted on a radio show on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 as saying “That deal was to make me the highest-paid defensive player, but slightly, very slightly.” Slightly or not, Carolina had so much faith in a guy coming off the worst year of his entire career (while only missing 2 games all year) they decided to reward him with the highest contract for a defensive player in the history of the NFL. Not only would any non-professional athlete literally run as fast as they could to sign that deal, but hundreds, possibly thousands of professional athletes would do the same. Without question Peppers was worthy of the contract and he is also without question one of the best players on Carolina (quite possibly THE best), but that wasn’t good enough for him. He wanted more money after his worst professional season. Go ahead and ask Josh Cribbs how he would feel about making $12 million a year. Would he sign that deal? I believe he would act like Rod Tidwell in Jerry McGuire if he were offered even $10 million a year and quite possibly piss himself during the phone call.
Granted, the 2008 season was a much better outing for Peppers where he recorded 14.5 sacks, but that just fueled the fire even more in his money hunger. Consequently, he asked the team to allow him to be let go in free agency to pursue a huge contract, claiming his biggest gripe with the team was (former) defensive coordinator Mike Trgovac. Proving yet again players are the ones who run the league, Carolina fired Trgovac and let Ron Meeks take over the defense to appease Peppers. Shortly after, the team applied the franchise tag to him which paid him $16.7 million to play in 2009 (just over $1 million a game…think about that for a second: while most Americans are sitting home watching football on Sundays, Julius Peppers made a cool million for suiting up) which also forced any team involved in a trade for his services to part ways with a few draft picks. As you may imagine, Peppers wasn’t too pleased with this information and it took him a very long time to sign his one year contract (a few months if I’m not mistaken) after long-term contract negotiations fell through once again.
The 2009 season went pretty well for Peppers (as it well should based on his paycheck) in which he recorded 10.5 sacks and also became the franchise leader in total career sacks for the Panthers with 81. After the season was over (may as well have been week 5), the front office came forward and said their #1 priority in the off-season was to sign Peppers to a multi-year deal and once again make him the highest paid defensive player in the NFL. A few weeks go by and nothing…a few more weeks with no news…and now Peppers wants out (again) because he feels the Panthers are ignoring him. This reminds me of a story I heard a few years ago about a couple that shall remain nameless. In the story, the boyfriend arrives at a party before his girlfriend and mingles, as one might assume would happen at a party. A few hours pass and the girlfriend shows up and makes her rounds, saying hello to friends, etc. Shortly after, the boyfriend comes up to the girlfriend in tears, literally crying because she did not say hello to him first. I’m no expert in relationships (I’ll let you do the research), but in my opinion this should have sent up some HUGE red flags for the girl relating to some possible trust issues or clinginess.
My advice to the Panthers would be similar to what I would tell the girl in the above situation: it might be time to move on. The relationship between Carolina and Julius Peppers has been extremely positive for the most part over the years, but this last interview by Peppers is the crying boyfriend who needs more attention than the franchise can afford to give. Granted, Carolina could put the franchise tag on Peppers again this year, but in doing so they would have to shell out $20.1 million dollars for 1 year of work and effectively murder their cap room and severely limit the capabilities of signing or re-signing other players vital to the franchise (read: a viable option at QB). It is fairly obvious Peppers does not want a long term deal with Carolina and if they do franchise him, the only options are trade for some draft picks or eventually get a long term deal signed. Either way, he must be franchised since he is not under contract and the Panthers need to get something out of the years they spent cultivating one of the better defensive ends in the league. I don’t see this ending well.
Farewell Peppers, it has been fun watching you play. I’m sure you’ll get your big payday from some team but you never forget your first.
Here is the story that inspired this post: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4899375
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