Snap Decisions...

Ok...here we are. It's been a while since my last entry and a lot has happened since, so I'm going to attempt to bring brass tacks and leave little to the imagination.

This will essentially be the third installment of the saga of my “will Justin stay in the UK after his bullshit internship is over in August” story. As you have read previously, I was offered a job to stay and I have been wrestling with the idea of staying or leaving once my year is over. I have previously mentioned I would be a complete fucking moron for leaving this offer on the table, as I still think might be valid, but based on the current circumstances, things have changed. As far as I am aware, the offer is still on the table, but new items have come to light, specifically the visa requirements and my own salary needs.

First things first: visa restrictions have been established where it is near impossible to continue to work in the UK without being a resident. I understand the requirements as unemployment is at an all-time high and they would prefer jobs to go to residents rather than assholes such as myself. Another consideration is the salary requirement I would need. In order to work and live here beyond this year, I would need to be paid far beyond what anyone in the industry would consider fair. The normal starting salary for my position is not enough for me to live comfortably and also be able to pay all bills, etc. on time. It just isn't possible. This is one of the things I never fully considered when thinking this was possible in the first place. Maybe it was based on over-confidence, or thinking they need me more than I need them, etc. but the fact remains, my potential offer will be less than I will need to live comfortably, or at the very least able to pay all bills and attempt to live with just a little money left over.

Now...when it was first presented to me, I was fully on board. I was there...no questions asked, I'm there. After a few months of thinking about it, the novelty has worn off. I think I was caught up in the “new-ness” of the whole thing, thinking it was cool that someone thought enough of me to offer a job to stay without thinking of the long-term effects. Granted, most of the people I talked to were all for me staying and confirming my thought of being a complete fuck if I were to turn it down...which helped at first. However, eventually I came to the realization that I don't really want to stay and it was all just hype based on the original offer.

It took quite a bit to convince myself I didn't really want to stay when I was previously entirely committed to it. Essentially, this is what it came down to: I went back to Ohio for a week, saw people I haven't for a few months, etc. It ended up being a pretty good week as a whole, but once I was back in London, things were different. Saving you from complete boredom, my decision came to this: I was waiting for a friend of mine to let me in to Tower 3 at Ability Towers when I saw a few of the new intake of interns speaking freely and making it obvious they were new to the program. After it became exceedingly obvious they were in the new intake, I thought to myself “wow...they're new and they have the entire year in front of them...fuck...that really blows for them.”

Given my thoughts on the situation, how can I possibly expect myself to stay after the year has ended when I feel sorry for those who have just one more year left? I can't...therefore I cannot, in good conscience allow myself to stay beyond August. Which means I need to let my bosses know I have to decline any offer they may still have outstanding so they can offer it to another intern or give another full time position in my place.

I've been thinking of writing this for a few days now and I had a lot more I wanted to say, but a lot of it has fallen away because it's really not that important. The fact is, a job was offered, I wanted it...thought about it...and then decided it wasn't for me. That's it. Now, I have to decide what location is best for me, and that will be exceedingly difficult. It means choosing between multiple locations including Chicago, IL, Charlotte, NC, Raleigh, NC, Jacksonville, FL, San Francisco CA, Los Angeles, CA, Phoenix, AZ and Northwest Ohio, among others. I don't know what I'll choose and I don't know what will come of whatever I choose, but I do know whatever I do choose will be interesting and I look forward to starting a new life when I leave here.

Until then...