Missing London...

Maybe it's the booze talking (it's probably the booze talking), but lately I've been missing my home away from home - London, England. I think there are a few reasons for this revelation, not the least of which my old roommate in shitty ol' London is getting married in exactly a month. The other reasons in no particular order: I watched a movie tonight that had a few scenes in front of Buckingham palace, a friend of mine is taking a holiday to London in a few days (and I'm jealous), we had some English visitors in the office this week, and I think about and miss it every fucking single day.

Now, don't get me wrong – I'm fully aware this is ex-girlfriend syndrome. There were some really shitty times I had when I was over there I would not wish to repeat. I would say I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy, but I would be lying. Eat shit and die, worst enemies! I think a lot of you know what I'm talking about here – weeks, months, years after you're broken up with a horrible excuse for a human being you've wasted entirely too much time on, you come to think of only the good times and tend to forget the bad. Right now, I'm extremely guilty of this. Just off the top of my head, here are my main “shitty” things to remember: having to reset the hot water every single morning in the other bedroom (waking the other two roommates in the process) to have a luke warm shower experience, getting paid much less than any minimum wage working much more than full time hours, “high speed” internet that worked maybe one time out of ten, and sharing a tiny two bedroom apartment with three other people.

I know – it sounds rough...you don't have to tell me, I was there. Despite my troubles, I had the time of my life and wouldn't trade it for the world. In fact, I've made it my life's goal to get back to London to live and work and be able to afford it. Recently, that goal has been made to appear relatively attainable due to a potential opportunity at my work. It's by no means a guarantee, but the position I'm looking at has the history and possibility to send me to places I want to go and leave Jacksonville far away. Granted, this won't be for a few years and I'm looking far, far ahead – but dreaming is what keeps us alive, so I'll allow it.

This is not to say I don't appreciate and enjoy my life in Jax, either. I'm employed and enjoying a salary that allows me to travel back to Ohio for holidays, have nice things, travel to exotic places, and not want for much. I'm struggling to word this in a way that doesn't make me sound like the biggest whiny baby on Earth, but, here goes. The problem is this: I want more; I want to be able to go back to the UK and experience everything I wasn't able due to lack of available funds. The funny thing (to me) is prior to my UK year, I gave zero fucks about traveling anywhere. I was happy to stay in my little house in my little town and not worry about anything except the next weekend. Now, I want to experience as much as possible and I have too many empty pages in my passport to fill.

I suppose the biggest issue I have is living in the future and not enjoying the present. I see people doing things, I'm absorbing media, and thinking of my own past and can't wait to see what the future holds. I need to slow down and enjoy the moment rather than think about what may happen next week, next month, or next year. It's difficult to do that when you're performing a job you don't particularly enjoy, but that will be my goal for the next few weeks: enjoy the moment. I heard a saying a few months back I made a point to remember and have tried to incorporate as much as possible in my life. It's embarrassingly basic and has been said too many times to count, but I guess it took that many times to sink in. One of the managers I work with said to“not sweat the small stuff. Life has a way of figuring itself out, so only worry about the things you can control at the moment. Let life live.” Words to live by, if you ask me.

So, for now I'm working to get the new job which will lead me to the job that takes me to my dream. I know I'm at least three years away, but knowing it's within my grasp is enough to keep me going. I'll continue missing my London home, but I know someday I'll get there...and even though it won't be the same as I knew with all the friends I had there, it will still be home.