Learning Lessons With Ryan Air

I had been planning on writing this particular entry for a little over a week now, but simply couldn't seem to find the time to get it out. However, since I'm out sick from work today (thanks to bitchin' multiple-day migraines and little aliens in my stomach (think Spaceballs) courtesy of possible food poisoning) and really don't foresee myself leaving this bed for the next 5 plus hours, let's go ahead and give it a shot now.

Ryan Air can go eat a bowl full of dirty, diseased assholes. A mere single encounter with this cheap fuck of a company is all it takes to avoid it at all costs in the future. If I can help it, I will never fly with them again even if it means paying more for my flights. Now, those of you who have dealt with them in the past will be nodding your head furiously right now, but for those of you who have no idea who Ryan Air is, the following story should help put the pieces together for you.

A few months ago, my brother Jared and our friend Nick decided they may want to grace me with their presence over here in London for a multi-day trip in March. March means a lot of things to a lot of people, but for some of us, March means St. Patrick's day. What country is just a short flight west from London? IRELAND! So, as soon as they mentioned March as a possibility, I immediately thought “how bad ass would it be to spend St. Patty's in Dublin this year?” I don't care what you're doing for St. Patrick's day...if you go to Dublin, you win. Vegas? New Orleans? Chicago? Yes, that would be a lot of fun and I'm sure it would be very memorable, but those locations do not hold a candle to spending it in Ireland. I really don't mean to brag...but it's going to be beyond awesome...actually, I do mean to brag. Sorry. The next few months found me forcefully pushing this opinion on Jared and Nick because if I'm only gonna be here for a year, there's no effin' way I'm missing St. Patty's in Dublin...even if I have to drag them with me. After a few months of persistent badgering, they relented (I mean, come on...no brainer here) and I started making plans.

Here's where it gets interesting...and also where my fury with Ryan Air begins. Now, let me preface this with a gigantic “I'm a huge moron/idiot/imbecile/stupid SOB” because this was my fault to begin with, but this company certainly did not help the situation at all. I did my due diligence regarding places to stay, flights, sight-seeing, bars, pubs, and all the similar stuff and started to make bookings. So I booked our flights (all three since it just would be easier to have it all on one card) and hotel for March 16th – 17th. Anyone see the problem here? St. Patrick's day is March 17th, not the 16th. Yes, I am a complete and total dumb ass for not double and triple checking the dates...and I take complete responsibility for that dumbassery. Now here's where you would say “why don't you just use the tickets as they are and leave Dublin the night of the 17th instead of the 18th?” I would normally agree with you and it wouldn't be that big of an inconvenience since we would technically be there for the day in question. However, Jared and Nick are arriving late evening on the 16th and our flights for Dublin are booked for early afternoon on the same day. So unless you have a close personal relationship with Doc Brown, I'm gonna have to make some other arrangements.

The best part of this entire thing is I had both the flights and the hotel booked for one day earlier than I should have and didn't even realize it until I was typing out an email to the guys with the itinerary attached. I started typing “the 16th,” something clicked in my head and all the sudden it didn't sound right...and I had that sinking feeling in my gut like when you wake up at 9AM on a Monday when work starts at 8. I immediately pulled out my calender to check the dates and right there in black and white on the 16th “Jared and Nick arrive – 9PM.” I'm instantly infuriated at myself for not checking the dates before hitting “submit” on the website, especially Ryan Air, and quickly take steps to try and fix my blunder. The hotel was a non-issue because it seems they understand that plans change and people sometimes make mistakes, so they had a free cancellation policy up to 3 days prior to arrival. Ryan Air? Not so much...

Ryan Air, I find out, has a “no cancellation” policy. Maybe I don't have very much experience with airlines and they might all have the same policy, but I found this to be fairly surprising. Ok, fine – no cancellations, but what about modifications? Yes, they do allow modifications, but I hope you have a lot of room on that credit card because you're gonna be using up most of it. In order to modify a flight, it costs an additional 25 GBP per person, per flight. For those of you keeping score at home, that would be three people modifying six flights in total for a modification fee of 150 GBP. Yes, you read that correctly. In order to change the flights from the 16th to the 17th, it will cost an additional 150. The total cost of the original flights was only 200 GBP for all three combined! Then I had the crazy thought of trying to sell the tickets to someone who might be going on the dates I had already booked if by some crazy coincidence that person existed. Turns out, it costs 100 GBP per person just to change the name on the ticket – so that's out as well. After looking at just about every possible combination of where to fly into or out of on those dates, I have come to the conclusion that I'm fucked and am just gonna have to bite the bullet on this one and swallow a 150 mistake. The only thing that can happen in order to make this a little less of an ass raping is if I can somehow find flights on the correct dates for less than I originally paid, which is about as probable as finding a sunny, non-rainy weekend day in the UK.

Moral of the story? Two-fold: one – don't be a dumb ass and make sure the dates are correct before booking flights. Two – avoid Ryan Air at all costs. After I found out I couldn't cancel the flights and the modification fee was as high as it was, I did a quick Google search and found many of the same sob stories about booking wrong dates, names, etc. There were a few options to try and get a refund or a cancellation from the airline, but none of them worked. The most likely, which I had high hopes for, was calling my bank and try to cancel the transaction before it went through. Unfortunately, this was not to be since apparently debit cards are guaranteed transactions which cannot be canceled once submitted and accepted by the merchant. Who knew?

As of this writing, the entire situation has not been resolved, but I'm going to have to get these flights re-booked pretty quickly and I suppose today would be as good a day as any since I'm bed-ridden for the foreseeable future. Consider me fully Ryan Air educated...and I have definitely paid for it.

As always – any questions? Ask away and I'll do my best to answer.